Why it pays off to be a generous lover?

Surely the topic has come up, whether with your partner or with friends about what kind of lover you are. Many times there is a correlation between your personality and the type of lover you are or the types of sexual positions you might prefer. For some there connections are clear, and for others the translation between bedroom and life seems a bit like a coincidental fortune cookie. But how much of this actually holds true? And how does your bedroom decorum affect your relationship and daily life?

A study conducted last year by the University of Toronto found that generous lovers increased overall sexual desire and arousal for their lovers and within their relationship. Their research was published in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, and noted that focusing on the desires of your partner rather than on your own increases arousal for the giver as well. So it seems being generous really does pay off in the end.

Researchers studied what they call “sexual communal strength” in long term couples, what they defined as the willingness to meet a partner’s sexual needs. They had both partners in the relationship fill out daily sex surveys for a total of 3 weeks.  In analyzing the data, they found that four months later, generous lovers reported higher levels of daily arousal as well as more desire for their partner than the less-generous couples.

Generosity has a positive effect in many aspects of life. In general, it feels good to pay it forward and give back to other. Past research suggests that giving to others is good for the self. This study suggests that the positive effects of generosity are even stronger with a sexual partner. Furthermore, there is definitely a boost in overall confidence in being able to satisfy your partner's needs in the bedroom. The key is for both partners to be generous, not just one or the other. Compromise is key in this generosity effect to work as it did in the study described. The exclusion of one partner’s desires won't deliver the same outcome. Make sure you both feel satisfied and accounted for.